RANDOM RANTS: DOCTOR WHO – WHEN SMART CHARACTERS GO STUPID

Welcome back to another Random Rants. We’re dealing with Doctor Who again. In this rant, I’ll be covering instances of when smart character completely drop the stupid ball. I mean really really stupid. Let’s take a look.

You know the feeling right? It all starts while you’re watching a program and suddenly go: What the hell were the writers thinking? This thought usually comes along directly after seeing a character precipitously do something very out-of-character or just do something that doesn’t make a lick of sense at all. You often wonder how the production team could’ve allowed this utterly irresponsible event to even make it into the script in the first place since it defies logic on almost every level, both in fiction and in reality. The reasons for allowing this vary. It might’ve been the only way to advance the story, but a more plausible explanation is that the writers were hung over on furniture polish from the night before when they wrote the scene. Whatever the case may be, every show has moments like these and Doctor Who is no different. On multiple occasions, it has allowed its characters to venture into the land of stupidity and very rarely…allowed them to return. A few instances of include:

Doctor Who: Ace Attorney!

Terror of the Vervoids is one of my favorite stories in the Trial of a Time Lord arc mainly because I’m a sucker for a good murder mystery, yet that didn’t stop me from wondering what on earth the Doctor was thinking when he presented his case. To help convince the council that he isn’t a ‘meddler’, the Doctor not only picks an adventure that portrays him in the worst light imaginable (which includes him committing genocide mind you), but he also picks one that takes place in his personal future. Seems counterproductive don’t you think? Likewise, if the Time Lords don’t remove the knowledge of this adventure from his mind, then eventually he’ll have to live through these events knowing about everything that’ll happen and he’ll have to let it happen or risk causing a paradox.

So ladies and gentlemen, what have we learned from this entry? Well…if we’re ever in serious legal misfortune, we want the Doctor to prosecute us, but please keep him the hell away from our defense council.

How it should’ve been handled?

How about having the Doctor choose a healthier (yet still adventurous and adding to the overall arc) encounter that manages to portray him in a more adept light where he succeeds in saving the day without having to commit genocide. Plus, in reality, courts aren’t allowed to pile on additional charges in the middle of the trial.

Who’s really been taking stupid lessons?

Personally, I hate it when a companion gets elevated to the point where they think they know better than the Doctor. Sometimes it’s justified, other times it’s just exasperating because the idea of a person who has only lived for thirty odd years lecturing someone over 1500 is insane. It’s like taking orders from a five year old. Tell me people: When was the last time any of you did that?

So as terrific as A Town Called Mercy was, it did have its downsides. Amy picks up a gun and threatens to shoot the Doctor if he doesn’t let the villain back into the safe zone. Now raise your hand if you actually believed for a second that she’d shoot him. No hands? Didn’t think so. The woman who risked destroying reality because she didn’t want the Doctor to die and who cried her eyes out when he was mercilessly gunned down on a beach? Do you actually expect viewers at home to believe she’d pull the trigger? This is just a simple case of Amy being portrayed as ridiculously foolhardy. She tries to talk the Doctor down (mind you he is making the most sensible move here), citing that there are better ways than coldly sacrificing people for the greater good and that they have to be better than their enemies and not spill blood. The Doctor folds and allows the crazy bastard back into town…then Sheriff Isaac gets killed by the Gunslinger. Yip. Innocent blood gets spilled because Amy stuck her nose in where it didn’t belong, yet nobody seems to comment on the fact that she’s the real reason he’s dead. Silly writers.

How it should’ve been handled?

The confrontation is cool. It’s strong. It’s emotional, but having someone who doesn’t know the Doctor challenge him; someone who the audience might actually believe has no misgivings about pulling the trigger on him is far more emotionally stimulating. Coming from Amy it’s just pointless.

What is Rose talking about?

The Christmas Invasion is also known to many as The Fall of Rose Tyler. I, like many others, loved Rose in Series One and like many others, grew to hate her afterwards. This stems from the thought of how the writers could allow a character that was written as such a strong and badass personality only one episode ago be reduced to acting so pathetic? Rose tries to scare the Sycorax away by…I don’t know…name dropping a bunch of alien races she’s met in the past. Is that supposed to sound tough (Eccelston voice)? Her standoff against the Sycorax Leader was probably only set up to make her sound weak so that when the Doctor showed up later on, he would look so much cooler in comparison.

How it should’ve been handled?

Cutting Rose’s poor speech in its entirety and having the Doctor pop up after the Sycorax Leader has finished some evil camp monologue because camp beats pathetic every time.

How to Negotiate with a Dalek?

Dalek is a really great story! It holds a special place in my heart, but somewhere along the lines, logic and rational thinking just abandoned De Maggio. She orders a Dalek, a creature that her boss and his organization have mercilessly tortured for years on end to go back into captivity?

What?

She accepts that what they did was wrong (yes, after it escapes and starts killing everybody) and can guarantee that her narcissistic boss will negotiate with the monster if it obeys her wishes. I didn’t know grunts could guarantee stuff like that! Isn’t that why we call them grunts in the first place? Honestly, do you really expect someone you’ve been torturing for so long to actually believe a tale like that? Moreover, do you expect the audience to believe something like this? Looking at it from an in-universe viewpoint, realize that the Dalek is holding all the cards in that scene. Looking at it from the viewers’ viewpoint: Daleks do not take orders! (Dalek voice)

How it should’ve been handled?

Kill De Maggio on the spot and get on with the story.

Bigger on the Inside is Scary

The crew of Bowie Base One has no misgivings about landing on Mars and making it their home. They don’t mind leaving their family and friends behind to spend years living on some dust ball in the middle of space with evil body possessing zombie water aliens, yet Mia will freak out at the idea that something can be bigger on the inside than the outside. What planet did I die on? Clearly not Mars or Earth.

I can’t seem to recall any character in Doctor Who history ever having a reaction like this after entering the TARDIS. Mia completely flipped out for no reason! She already endured a bunch of other weirdness during this episode, so this should be nothing. Plus – you’re alive and home! Be grateful! If she was having a panic attack, then Mia Bennet chose a really stupid time to have one, yet, I don’t remember her character acting like this during the episode. She always seemed so strong willed to me. It’s almost as if RTD purposely made Mia’s personality do a 180 just to get the Doctor and Adelaide alone. Nah…Russell would never degrade a character just to further the story.

How it should’ve been handled?

If you wanted the Doctor and Adelaide alone so badly, why not just kill Mia and Yuri and be done with it? If you believe that their survival somehow helped cement Adelaide’s legacy, realize that it’s just speculation.

Crazy Prepared

You have to admire someone who comes prepared for every eventuality. Just look at Lady Christina de Souza from Planet of the Dead. She’s like Batman…only female! She has a fold-up shovel just in case she gets stuck in the middle of the desert and needs to go dig a bus out of the sand. She also carries around sunglasses (at night mind you) for when her robberies get dragged out until the next day and she needs to protect her eyes against bright rays. She has an axe for…I don’t know…chopping up bus seats? But she doesn’t consider carrying a tenner for bus fare just in case her getaway driver gets caught by the police and she needs an alternative escape plan? Nope. Not like Batman at all.

How it should’ve been handled?

I have no problem with someone who is crazy prepared, but I would like some dialogue which explains why the character is carrying fold-up shovels and axes in their knapsacks during museum robberies in the middle of the city, yet can’t be bothered to carry around money for bus fare. If it was meant to be a joke for viewers at home, it fell flat.

Blackmailed

If you were to ask somebody what they believed some of the worst parts of Series Seven is, then most Whovians would have a difficult time not telling you about the Maitlands’ blackmail of Clara. The scene is so badly set-up  it’s preposterous to even think that someone like Gatiss or Gaiman could've written it. True, aliens have been confirmed to exist by this time period in the Who Universe, but what part of our brains should be convinced that Clara might be in real danger? Two children tell their father that their nanny is a time traveller and their only proof is a couple of photographs that could've easily been edited with Photoshop. What rational person would believe such a story? Are we meant to believe that daddy-dearest would actually believe his children’s imagination wasn't running away with them? Even if by some miracle (huge bleeding if here) the father did believe his children, what would he do about it? No. This is probably the worst attempt at blackmail in the history of television. It clearly relies on the idea that viewers are morons. Next time you Doctor Who writers try something like this, first go watch an episode of Burn Notice or Suits and come back to it.

How it should’ve been handled?

Drop the blackmail angle and don’t include the Maitland children in the next story at all because they don’t serve any real purpose other than annoying the viewers at home.

This has been another Random Rants. Hope you enjoyed it. If you have a topic you feel deserves to be ranted about, post it in the comments and tell me about it. Also, can you think of any other times characters decide to drop the stupid ball?