Friday, 24 January 2014


Hello there boys and girls! Today I'm going to tell you an amazing story.


Once upon a time, there was a very brave, very hot guy named Gustaff. Hot meaning the temperature was killing him. Taking action against the heat, Gustaff convinced family and friends to travel to the legendary city of the Sun to cool off. The City of the Sun, or Sun City as the natives addressed it, was a magical place with lots of water and fun and expensive food.

Gustaff's journey was not only hard, but long. First he and his fellow companions got stuck in traffic because everyone was trying desperately to leave Gustaff's hometown because it was so fucking hot there. After traveling long and hard in an air-conditioned vehicle, Gustaff arrived at the City of the Sun.

Fortune decided to take a leak on Gustaff's head and made Sun City even more magical by removing all the people there, sending them off to school and work. So the City of the Sun was all Gustaff's...and his companions' of course.

Gustaff sieged the opportunity and went on every ride, free of lines and decided to document his destination by taking photos. He conquered enemy slides such as the Viper, the Scorpion, the Mamba and the Anaconda. But there was one slide that stood out tall from the other enemies - the Slide of Courage. A torturous, legendary trial that only the brave and the bold, the couragous and the strong could ever hope to vanquish. Thankfully for this story, Gustaff was one of these individuals. 


He breathed fire from the mouth while he climbed the villainous steps leading to his opponent. He met the Slide of Courage with the force of a thousand men. Lightning shot from his ass even and in no time, Gustaff (like the stand in to your left) was looking down at the valley below him and with one swift push, he layethed the smackdown onth the Slide of Courage and made it his bitch.

But all did not go according to Gustaff's plan. For misfortune, the evil sister of Miss Fortune, also decided to take a very long leak on Gustaff's head and made it rain that day in the City of the Sun, knowing that the rides would have to be closed to preserve safety. Thankfully, the leaking contest was short and the rain stopped half and hour later, affording Gustaff another chance to enjoy the comforts and luxuries of the City of the Sun. 

But Mother Nature always wins and Gustaff has learned that lesson this day. For tomorrow, when he attempts to stand up to start his day, he will discover the consequences of climbing a hundred step staircase twenty five times in the span of six hours. Pity Gustaff. For he will need it.

So that was my day at the Sun City resort. I had fun. Calamari and Chips for lunch. So few people there that there were literally no lines to speak of and yes, I did go down the Slide of Courage (my sister did too - twice actually!), but we couldn't get a photo in.

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